Category: family

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Dealing With a Defiant Child

I have been learning about dealing with a defiant child from Caleb. He is a smart boy who is very insistent about having things done his way. It does not matter if his way is inconvenient or even impossible; he insists that things be done in his certain way.

For example, he cannot drink his tea if the glass is too full or not full enough. He will simply go thirsty and complain if his glass is not filled to exactly the arbitrary mark he has set. Making the situation even more difficult for those around him is that he rarely communicates this need before the drink is poured. His explanation at that “you should have known.”

He has absolutely no respect for any authority. His own desires are more important than any rules that are placed on him. He has no trouble making friends because he is outgoing and outspoken, but he has trouble keeping these friends because he is absolutely insistent on having every thing done his way. He is a terror to teachers and church workers who have him in class because he refuses to follow any rules other than his own.

He has been kicked out of schools and other social groups because of his unsociable behavior. Even his own father will have nothing to do with him due to his defiance and overall disruptive behavior.

He has been to a variety of doctors and social therapists and given several acronyms as to what is wrong with him. However none has yet developed a plan of how to deal with him.

Only one teacher has been able to deal with him and even she has days when she can’t handle him. She is a Sunday school teacher at a Unity Church. She accepts him just the way he is and practices non judgment. He responds well to her loving acceptance. However even she cannot get him to comply with the rules that the other children easily follow.

I have noticed what seems to be a flow in the process used by most people who try to deal with Caleb. They try to change him. He is very determined in his way that he will not be changed and soon there is an impasse. Those who try to accept him as he is and try to find ways to work with him seem to have more success in getting him to conform. However, he will always find ways to exert himself and continue to demonstrate his ability to control a situation.

If he finds himself in a situation where he has lost control and he is forced to submit to some authority that has temporarily overpowered him, he will shut down and hide. He often carries a blanket with him even on the hottest day so that he can cover his head and face if he encounters a loosing situation. If he can’t use his blanket, he will remove his shirt and cover his face. He will become violent if forced to interact when he is trying to hide from the situation.

He can express love and affection at times. For example, he recently shared his lunch money with a girl in his class who did not have enough. He loves to share snacks with the neighborhood children. But he will not share his toys. He will however leave them scattered around when he is done playing with them.

He picks who he is affectionate to. He is not influenced by the opinions of others. He sees no duty to show love and affection to even his mother. He is not motivated by a desire to please others.

He shows some signs of autism in that he does not recognize social cues. However it may be that he recognizes them yet fails to take social cues into consideration when choosing his actions.

When dealing with a defiant child like Caleb one is faced with two choices: engage in a battle of wills to see who is stronger or accept him for how he is and adjust to compensate.

Deep down all of us have the same desires as Caleb. We want things to go our way. We want to choose our own actions regardless of how others feel. We want to hide from authority when we are not allowed to do what we want to do. However most of us have decided that the benefits of getting along in society out weight our desire to express ourselves freely. By looking at how we are like a defiant child rather than how we are different helps in learning how to deal with one.

When we try to accept him for who he is and try to adjust our own behavior to compensate, we will have more success. However it is very difficult for most people to be able to set aside their own ego long enough to see that letting him have his way briefly will go along way toward achieving mutual goals. Setting clear rules with tangible consequences in advance seem to work very well with Caleb. However, consistent follow through is required as Caleb will test to see if the rules are consistent.

Overall, he responds well to people who accept him and are willing to work within his self imposed rule system. However he will tell you that he does not like rules. He means that he does not like other people imposing rules on him. By looking for ways to work together and avoiding unnecessary confrontations, the defiant child can be guided toward mutual goals.

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Replacing a Clutch in a Datsun 620 pickup

Replacing a Clutch in a Datsun 620 pickup

Scott’s little Datsun pickup has had a long and happy life. The speedometer quit working a long time ago so all we know is that it has well over 300,000 miles. Recently the clutch started slipping so he brought it home for a clutch change. There was also a noise when he depressed the clutch so we thought it might have a bad input bearing on the transmission as well. We were prepared to reinstall the old four speed that was pulled years ago to make room for a five speed.

We began by securing a clutch kit. The kit came with a new disk, pressure plate, throw out bearing, pilot bushing and an alignment tool. We were somewhat surprised that the local parts store had the kit in stock for this old truck.

Perfection Clutch New Clutch Set - MU47594-1A

We put the truck on the lift and removed the drive shaft. The drive shaft is in two parts so I separated it in the muddle and left the rear part attached to the rear differential and just removed the front section.

Next, we supported the transmission on a stand and removed the cross member and mounting pad.. Then we had access to pull the speedometer cable. There were two sensors on the side of the transmission so we disconnected the wires and labeled them. Then we disconnected the shift lever from the transmission. We should have done this from the top before lifting the truck, as you will see later. We also removed the clutch slave cylinder.

Next we pulled the starter. Again this would have been easier before lifting the truck. Scott used a ladder while I assisted from below. We measured the position of the torsion bars and then loosened them to get the ends of the bolts out of the way. They block moving the transmission backwards.

Next we removed the bolts that secured the transmission flywheel cover. Ten we used long extensions and a flex joint to remove the four bolts that hold the transmission to the engine. With these out, we were able to slide the transmission back from the engine. We were not however able to remove the transmission from the truck. There is simply not enough room to get the transmission over the center part of the frame and past the flywheel with the pressure plate in place.

At this point we checked the input shaft to see if we were really going to have to change the transmission. It seemed fine; in fact it felt tighter than our spare, so we elected to leave it. Since we could not get the transmission out of the truck it seems a good choice. We still could not remember how we had swapped the transmissions years ago.

We then removed the pressure plate and inspected the flywheel and disk. The disk showed very little wear and the flywheel still had the machine marks from the last time it was resurfaced. We were not sure why it was slipping or where the noise was coming from.

After careful inspection we saw where the pressure plate was contacting the clutch disk when released. That was likely the source of the noise he occasionally heard. Also, the throw out bearing felt a little rough. We elected to change all the parts in the clutch kit since we had them just to be safe.

Pulling the pilot bushing became the next challenge. One tool I have never added to my collection is a pilot bearing puller. Scott went to town to get one from the Advance Auto loan a tool program.

While he was gone, I looked at how to get the transmission out. It was in the way of extracting the pilot bushing. I finally realized that it was hitting the floor of the cab and that there was a panel around the shifter that could be removed to get more clearance. I lowered the truck and removed the center console and the plate around the shifter. It would have been much easier to remove the shifter from this side. With the panel removed, the transmission could be tipped up and there was just enough room to remove it from the truck.

With the transmission out of the way we focused on pulling the old pilot bushing. We set the tool in place and followed the instructions carefully several times. Each time the tool would pull out and the bushing stayed in place. We finally compared the puller to the new bushing and quickly saw that there was no way it could catch the end of the bearing. The fingers looked bent or simply miss shaped. I put the fingers in the vice and reshaped them to fit. I also ground off a little of the face to get a better grip on the bushing.

The next time we tried it, the bushing pulled out easily. We tapped the new bushing into the crank and moved on to he next step.

We set the clutch disk in place makes sure to turn it the correct way round. There is a story that floats around all our family reunions on how my Uncle and Cousin installed a clutch disk backwards so we made sure that we did it right.

With the disk sitting on the alignment tool, we set the pressure plate in place and carefully brought down the bolts evenly and torqued them to specs. Next we pressed the old throw out bearing off the sleeve and pressed on the new bearing. We installed it on the fork and snapped the fork in place in the transmission.

Then we lifted the transmission into place. At least we tried to. There was simply no room to get the transmission past the center part of the frame with the pressure plate installed. We looked at every option and finally decided to remove the pressure plate and se the transmission up before installing it.

There is plenty of room to work inside the bell housing of the transmission. But the pressure plate needs to be slipped over ht input shaft before the disk is set on the alignment tool to have enough room to get it in. We retorqued the pressure plate bolts and then prepared to slip the transmission in place. We used the supplied lube on the input shaft before installing it.

The transmission easily slid into the clutch disk and we reinstalled the mounting bolts. Every thing went back together easily with the exception of the slave cylinder. I had to loosen the bleeder screw to get the piston to retract. Once I did it fit easily.

As we were putting up the drive shaft, we noticed that one of the U joints was rough. I pulled it out and replaced the joint while Scott finished up the center console replacement.

We reset the torsion bars to the measurement that we made before and put the transmission mount and cross member back in place. Reconnecting the speedometer cable was simply a matter of aligning the key and slipping it in.

With it all back together, the slippage and the noise was completely gone. In the process of removing and reinstalling the transmission we also swapped the old fluid for synthetic. Scott says the shifting is greatly improved in the old transmission.

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Snow in Tennessee

The Blizzard of 2011-01-11

Snow in Tennessee

We thought we might get a little snow. Our snow always comes from the south. If it comes from the west it looses all its moisture crossing the plateau and by the time it backs up against the Appalachians, it is just cold or rain. The weather models called for three to five inches of snow and more south of us as the jet stream brought cold air south from Canada and moist air north from the Gulf of Mexico.

At midnight there was still no snow. There was a dusting early in the morning and Jennifer took a snapshot of the deck when it first turned white to preserve the memory is case that was all we got. I slept quietly in the down stairs room oblivious to the weather outside.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a big drift in the crotch of the tree visible from the window. I was surprised how the snow had collected there. Then I stepped to the window and looked at the ground. Everything was covered. There was a deep layer of powder covering the woods and yard.

I bundled up and took Smash outside. He loved romping in the deep powder. Getting snow at all in Southeast Tennessee is rare. Normally we get slush and it melts quickly so you have to get out early to see any of it.

So Smash and I headed for the creek. Only one unknown animal had crossed the path that morning. We left the first tracks in the snow. I stood and looked out at the ice on the fast flowing Cohulla Creek. The small branch that flows across my property was covered in a thin layer of ice. Smash wanted to go on his normal rounds in the woods but he decided to turn back and follow me.

Just as we were heading back to the house, Smash suggested one trail and I was returning on another, we heard noises from above. Jennifer and Caleb were making their way down to the creek. Janice had wisely elected to stay warm and thankfully make us pancakes.

I waited for them to make it down to the creek and we enjoyed the stillness of the forest draped in white. We hiked back up the hill to the house.

After some warm pancakes, I decided to get Scuffy out of the barn and go for a ride in the snow. I plowed through the snow easily and after a circle around the driveway, I decided to go see how the main road looked. There was a good eight to ten inches every where. There must have been some deeper drifts in the driveway because in some places you could see where the diff had drug in the center between the tracks of the Maxxis Buckshots.

Janice and Jennifer squeezed into the passenger racing bucket seat together and we drove out to the road. Scuffy climbed the hill easily but the engine was running really rough. Thinking back to the last time I got gas I realized it was on the way to Harlan for the fall crawl. So it could be that the low fuel light actually meant something this time. The big engine sputtered a few times but we made it to the road and back. It looked like only one of my neighbors had ventured out. Keith Valley road was still completely covered in snow.

Since Scuffy was running so poorly, I put him back in the barn before I got stranded. We then took Jennifer’s Jeep Princess out for a romp in the snow. Her Dick Cepek Crushers did well in the snow too.

Out at the main road I popped the transfer case into two wheel drive for a moment and spun a 180 to head back to the house. I put it back into 4wd just to be safe.

With Princess safely back on the porch, we decided to try the sled. The snow was too deep and fluffy for my steel runner style sled to go down. It kept getting buried in the snow. It looked like it would be an all day job to use the shovel and pack down a path for the sled. So Jennifer suggested that I use Princess to pack the snow.

I drove around the driveway and then pointed her Jeep up our sled run. It climbed easily to the top. I lost traction briefly near the crest but I just let the tires turn slowly until they got grip again so as not to spin out all our snow.

With two compressed paths down the hill we were soon able to work out a nice sled run. Smash enjoyed chasing us up and down the hill. He also provided entertainment between runs by grabbing a mouthful of snow and then laying on his back with his feet in the air and wiggling around like he was making a snow angle. He did this several times and I laughed so hard I hurt every time he did it.

Eventually we tired of trekking up and down the hill and packed it in. Janice made us some yummy Carroll Shelby Chili.

I decided to brave the roads and go get some gas for Scuffy. I expected the main roads to be clear with the crews having all day to work on them. We all loaded up in Princess. Caleb did not understand why he needed to get dressed. He was sure that PJ pants and no shirt was plenty for a trip to town. We waited while his mom encouraged him to at least take warmer clothes with him.

When I reached Keith Valley I was surprised to see it looked much the same as it did on my earlier venture. There was a tiny strip of pavement visible in the oncoming lane but the rest of the road was covered in snow and slush. The worst part about driving on it was that most people who had gone ahead of us had driven near the center of the road. There was still deep snow near the shoulder making it difficult to see where the road ended and the deep ditch began.

I had no trouble driving in the snow, but meeting oncoming traffic was difficult due to having to move over into the deeper stuff. And occasionally the people coming toward me wanted to use part of my lane as well even though they had more room than I did.

I was expecting Spring Place Road to be clear because it is a State Highway and they usually run plows and salt trucks even when there is no snow. Boy was I surprised. I had noticed Jennifer getting a bit nervous each time I met someone so I asked her how she felt about my continuing on in her Jeep to the gas station. She bravely encouraged me to go on.

I did a fun drift out onto the Sate Highway and then settled back into what looked like my lane. The road was completely covered in snow at that point. However just over the hill, ruts in each lane made it down to the pavement.

About halfway into town, we met a road grader plowing in the opposite direction. The inbound lane I was using was still pretty slick but easily passable in 4wd.

The gas station did not look like it had seen much activity during the day as there were just a few tracks in their parking lot. I filled my gas can with 93 octane while Jennifer refueled Princess. I would have just stolen fuel from one of my other Jeeps but none of them had the 93 octane that Scuffy’s racing engine requires.

I was fully expecting to catch the road grader as we headed back home. I was using two wheel drive as I drove along now in the dark. Then, suddenly, not far from where we had met the grader on our way into town, we hit snow covered road again. I was happy for the shift on the fly capability of the 231 transfer case as I moved the lever to 4H just as we hit the edge of the snow and ice. I guess the Grader operator had reached the end of his shift but I did not notice where he parked it.

We drove on snow and ice back to the turn on Keith Valley. We could see flashing brake lights near the turn. It looked like some one had a stalled truck and was being serviced in the middle of the road. I guess you have to work on it where it dies but thankfully he was just past our turn off.

The return trip was not so bad because I was able to easily drive on my side of the road. I did have a little trouble with oncoming traffic not wanting to stay on their side but I could easily slow down and let them slip past. Having two tires on wet pavement and two in snow and ice made for much firmer footing. However the lock right locker did make a few unexpected disengagements and sudden reengagements.

I later went out a poured the fuel into Scuffy and made sure it ran OK. Then we used Princess to tow the trash can out to the road just in case the trash truck decided to brave the weather.

This morning I made a few more sled runs before pointing Scuffy toward town. Keith Valley was slushier than the night before and easier to stay on my side of the road. There were still some drifts on the northbound lane.

I switched into 2wd at Spring Place Road. It still did not look plowed or salted but it was more slush than ice or snow. I am not used to driving Scuffy on pavement and with the still aired down Maxxis Buckshots, it was a bit wiggly but 45 MPH was no problem.

I saw a snow plow on HWY 64 and I accelerated up to 55 to match traffic. I got the hang of the wiggles caused by aired down tires and no sway bars.

In town I was surprised that at the busy intersection of 25th and Keith St, there was still a lot of snow. I stayed in 2wd but that caused a little dance in the rear as I accelerated from the stop light.

Westside drive leading toward my office looked like it had been plowed and salted. But Norman Chapel road and the Adkisson Drive in front of the Cleveland State Campus looked worse than Keith Valley. I put my Jeep back in 4wd to get over the speed humps.

As I pulled into the office I was met by the UPS truck. She was trying to back up to one of the bay doors but not doing too well. She eventually gave up and turned around. She had no trouble going forward. There was only a couple of cars in the office parking lot and it has been very quiet here so far today.

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Stars

Stars

Last night as I walked the trash can out our long driveway, I was amazed at how bright the stars were. I had not seen such brightness in the stars since I was last at Harlan.

I walked very slowly back to the house enjoying the view of the sky. I saw both the big and little dippers. I have never been able to recognize any of the other constellations. I just enjoyed the brightness of the little points of light contrasted against the cold black sky.

Back in the yard in the dim light of the icicle lights still n our front porch, my dog Smash took on a sudden playful urge. I had tried to get him to play chase with me when I first got home in the afternoon, but he was not interested then. I almost walked on into the warmth of the house and ignore his playfulness.

But inspired by the stars, I zipped my coat and began chasing Smash around the yard. He was very playful. He would drop the stuffed sheep and pretend to look away. They just as I reached for it he would scoop it up and run off in a circle around me. We played until I could no longer catch my breath.

Later that evening as I was getting ready for bed, I decided to sit up and read a bit. Just as I picked up my book to read, Smash started barking and whining.

I went down to see if he wanted out. He has been staying in the garage on cold nights but he often wants out to go puppying. But instead he went back to the rear bedroom. I lay down on the bed and picked up the book. Smash began barking at me. So, I went back to petting him.

In a few minutes he began to get antsy again. He paced around the room and then put a paw up on the bed. I tried to get him to jump but he would back away. I finally scooped him up and placed him on the bed beside me. He settled right down as I continued petting him. He calmed right down and went to sleep.

I was beginning to drift off to sleep when I felt the bed move. I looked up and saw the cat crawl up o the foot of the bed. Soon I was snoozing between the dog and the cat. It was very peaceful just laying there enjoying the warmth of my furry friends. All my cares, worries and fears seemed to melt away in to their fur.

I lay there a while before Janice finally came to check on me. She laughed when she saw me snuggled up between the cat and the dog.

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Strawbridge family reunion

The Strawbridge side on my family rarely gets together. This year my Aunt Faye was visiting her children in South Alabama so she arranged for us to meet in south Mississippi. My parents combined this trip in to a tax paying run as well.

The unusual white Christmas lasted into Monday morning making it unsafe for my dad to back his car out of his garage. Sop we altered our schedule slightly and I picked them up at their house in my 4×4 GMC Suburban. I don;t use 4×4 often in that truck but it is sure nice to have it when I need it. Like towing the Jeep up to the campground in Harlan and picking up passengers in the snow.

We made the 300 mile trek to Pontotoc MS uneventfully. We arrived in time to pay the land taxes in Pontotoc but he court house was closed for Christmas Holiday. We stayed the night in my Grandfathers old farm house. My cousin Allen visited and invited me to go to the meeting at the Pontotoc Masonic lodge. It was interesting to note the differences between the Tennessee ritual and the Mississippi version. I enjoyed meeting the friendly brothers there.

Back at the house, Scott and Megan had arrived form Middle Tn but Megan was ill. She had really been looking forward to the trip sop wee did every thing we could to get her well enough to make the rest of the journey with us. But early the next morning she was still not feeling well, so they returned to Tennessee while we headed south to Hattiesburg.

We took a small detour to see the famous Masonic Lodge in Okalona, MS. This is one of the largest and most ornate lodges in Mississippi. We did not stop however, we just saw it from the street.

We made our way to the new highway 45 that cuts across the cotton fields there. Many of the old landmarks are still visible but just as many are gone. We could barely make out where my grandfathers shop had been in Gibson.

We stopped for breakfast in West Point. Eventually we intersected Interstate 59 and made the run to Hattiesburg. The GPS caused us to make one small detour in Ellisville falsely making us think we had arrived at our destination thirty minutes early.

We arrived at our hotel with no trouble. Faye was already there setting up the room. Our hotel rooms were not quite ready at the Baymount but we spent the time getting reacquainted. It had been at least three years since I had seen any of my relatives.

Soon our rooms were prepared and lunch arrived form a local BBQ place. Tory had brought her portfolio of art, Mom had her books and Tracy brought a model of the BSW bulldozer blade that had been the center of the family business for many years.

Tracy also brought his Roush racing Mustang and gave my uncle Clinton a fast ride up the interstate in the afternoon.

After a while all the stories were told and pictures were looked at. The clan slowly drifted off. Faye and Danny visited with Mom and Dad in their room while Janice, Will and I visited the local Zaxbys for a late night snack.

The next morning we had breakfast with Faye and her family. We left late in the morning and made our way back to Pontotoc. We stopped again in West Point where mom and dad decided to sample the4 catfish after seeing so many cat fish farms along the route.

We arrived slightly after lunch and I paid the Pontotoc land taxes. I pay these in person every year now after a John Grishom like episode a few years ago where a computer record got changed indicating that we had not paid the taxes and someone else was trying to claim our land. Luckily Mom had all the right receipts to prove the computer wrong.

Again the long trip back to Tennessee was uneventful. The big Suburban made the rip easily and comfortably for all five passengers. I even spent a couple of hour in the very back seat while Dad drove and found it very comfortable just like the front seats.