Imagine cruising down the interstate enjoying the view through a big glass windshield. The stars are bright and your destination is miles away. You are driving along with out a care in the world. Everything is going well and you expect to arrive at your destination at exactly the scheduled time. Music plays softly in the background and the clatter of the engine combines with the roar of the tires on the pavement to allow you to settle deep into the warm comfortable driver’s seat.
Then suddenly your vision is blurred and glass shatters in front of you. A large lump of something lands in your lap as you try to control your bus and protect the precious cargo of passengers behind you. Someone has just gotten their jollies by dropping a large object from the bridge above you. You safely pull the bus to the side of the road and inspect the damage. Miraculously you are still alive. Just a few cuts and scrapes.
Glass is scattered through out your bus but none of the passengers are seriously injured. Everyone is OK but you will not make your destination on time. And your bus is going to need some serious repairs. It could have been worse. Like it was for a woman a few years ago who had a stone dropped through her from possibly the same bridge. She died from her injuries.
So it could be worse, but still it is pretty bad. What fun it must have been for the hoodlums who tossed the weight into the bus wind shield? Did they even get to see the crash in the darkness? A whole bus load of students returning from a trip are jolted from their peaceful ride by a senseless act.
This story is from this week’s news. A bus load of Lee University students was attacked as it cruised home on I 75 this week.
I read somewhere that life goes through seven year cycles. If so, then this is the end of my seventh cycle. Tomorrow I will be fifty.
I feel like this cycle of my life began with something crashing through the windshield of my life. I was comfortably cruising along in my career as an engineer for Westvaco Corporation. I had comfortable pay. I was good at what I did. People respected me and I was surrounded by friends. While there were many things I did not like about corporate life, I was very comfortable. I had challenges to keep my mind occupied and a comfortable office to go to each day. I was ready to cruise on auto pilot to retirement.
Then, suddenly, my dream was shattered. The plant I worked at was closed. There was some fall out but I was not really injured. Just a few scrapes. The impact reverberated through the other parts of my life.
Suddenly, I was faced with struggling for finances and not feeling very useful. Much of my self worth was wrapped up in being an engineer for Westvaco. When I was not that anymore, I felt like I was nothing.
I tried a few other jobs but none of them gave me any satisfaction. I was not good at them so my self worth went down even more.
My old friends drifted away as they moved on to other jobs. I found my self in a very bad spot. I was alone and felt pretty useless.
In the process of rebuilding myself, I discovered the new thought movement. I discovered it entirely by accident. Or so it seemed.
I began reading books about how to make money and I discovered that there was a common theme in all of them. The idea was that we each create the circumstances that surround us rather than being manipulated by them.
As I studied concepts that were foreign to me such as the law of attraction and the law of mind action, I began to see evidence of their truths. I remembered times when I worked at Westvaco when I had observed this very phenomenon. But not having any basis for causal relationship, I dismissed it like any good engineer would.
I had once made the statement that Westvaco should pay me to be in a good mood because when I was, the presses ran better and if I was in a really good mood, we would set production records. If I came to work in a bad mood, then we had nothing but trouble.
But even after reading the Tao of Psychology, I refused to acknowledge the relationship between my moods and the circumstances. There was no way my emotions could cause outside circumstances was there?
During the last few months at Westvaco, I met a faith healer. The stories he told and the things I observed caused me to believe that there really was more to the universe than what I had learned in school. But I still but my faith in science. But to the true science of mind, just the traditional observational science.
As I studied more and read books by Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Charles Filmore and others I began to realize that there was something to this science of mind. I began to see that everything I observe is first created in my mind. I also began to understand what Wallace Waddles meant when he said that controlling the mind is the hardest and most import work any man can do.
I am still working on learning to control my thoughts. I often don’t feel that I have the freedom to create with my thoughts. My upbringing in a guilt based religion pops up often causing me to feel that I don’t have the right to even want certain things.
So as I begin my fiftieth year tomorrow, I am moving forward with excitement and wonder. I wonder what will happen next. I have moved way out of my comfort zone and most of my life lines are gone. I will be on my own to create the life that I desire. I can’t rely on anyone to do it for me. I am excited and scared at the same time.
I feel like I have wasted a lot of years getting to this point in life. I have always prided myself on being a fast learner, but in this most important area of life, I feel like I have been very slow on the uptake. Hopefully the pace will pick up and I will learn to release the old constrictions and begin to create a truly happy life that I want.
But first I have to feel like I deserve it.
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