Returning to my birthplace.
During my last session of re birthing breath work with Judiana, I finally re experienced my birth. I now understand where a lot of my fears and strange emotions come from.
I felt a strong urge to go back to the place I was born, Pontotoc, Ms. Pontotoc is a very small town in north Mississippi. I was born there in 1960. My mother still has my grandfathers home there and the 100 acre farm. She need to go down and pay some bills so i volunteered to go in her place so I could attempt to reconnect and get a better handle on these strange emotions that came up.
I drove my dad’s Ford Focus to save fuel costs. The little car was surprisingly comfortable and very fun to drive. I got about 30 MPG – way better than my Jeep.
Driving alone gave me plenty of time to think and enjoy the freedom of going the way I wanted to go. I stopped by Russel cave and Point mallard along the way.
I spent some time driving around the back roads of Pontotoc and around our farm.
I read the book You can heal your life by Louise Hay. I have used the healing chart for a while but I had never before taken time to read the whole book and do the exercises.
Being back at my birth place helped me to do the exercises of remembering or imagining my childhood. While I have many fond memories of growing up on the farm, there are lots of troubling ones as well. The feelings of separateness and of never having enough money came up heavily in my memories.
Also, I noticed some strange negative feelings about money. I am sure these are the root of my financial problems toady.
As I worked through the exercises in the book, I realized I have a lot of unexpressed anger. I suspect i am manifesting this as annoying people in my life. I find that I am increasingly annoyed by my friends and others in my life. I don’t yet fully understand this but I know that whatever i am experiencing in life is simply a reflection of my inner thoughts.
I am beginning to get a handle on the ager that I have long repressed. I learned this anger at a very early age.
I still have a ways to go on learning to release this anger. However I am sure just being aware of it will help greatly in ridding myself of it. I had thought it was just fear but it is really anger. I have done such a good job of repressing this anger that I do not even consider myself to be an angry person.
But I do keep noticing fevers, and other illness that are caused by anger. Also the increase in annoying people in my life is the tripping point that made me look deeper.
As I learn to release this anger I expect to see an improvement in my health, my relationships and my financial situation.